Revolve
by Venomous Guise
Summary: The ultimate defence is to pretend. They've decided to take the war into their own hands and to do so they've created a secret set of plans. In the end, can they pull off the perfect deception? Dark!Harry. AU. ON HIATUS.
1. Exordium

**Summary: **R-Evolve: The ultimate defence is to pretend. They've decided to take the war into their own hands and to do so they've created a secret set of plans. In the end, can they pull off the perfect deception? Please R&R. Dark!Harry and some dark themes.

**Disclaimer: **The Potterverse is not mine and never will be. R-Evolve is the name of a song and I don't own that either. Get it? Got it? Good. I'm not gonna say it again.

**A/N: **A prologue done entirely in dialogue... I never thought I'd do it, but here it is! The next/first chapter will be normal and will reveal more about the plot. And the title is supposed to be "R-Evolve", not "REvolve", but apparently I can't put a hyphen in a title or summary. Oh well.

**R-Evolve: Exordium**

"_This_ is your brilliant plan?"

"Yeah, it's finally done. The planning part, I mean. Now we just have to put everything in motion. That is, if you agree with it, of course. And then there are certain... details... we would have to work out."

"Details? All I see is a random and incoherent collection of doodles and scribbles. In fact, I fail to see how you even manage to call this a plan to begin with. From what I can actually decipher from this, which is close to nothing, I fail to see how it makes any sense. This is... this is..."

"Ingenious? Amazingly brilliant? Foolproof? Did I mention brill-"

"Those aren't quite the adjectives I was looking for. I was thinking more along the lines of foolish, incoherent, and a complete waste of time."

"Oh... wait, that's because-"

"I don't want to hear your pathetic excuses. You have spent the last few months plotting, scheming, and obsessing over some obscure bit of parchment. You have been secretive and have been exhibiting extremely odd behavior. Every time I asked what was going on, you merely shrugged it off and told me that it was all part of some insanely brilliant plan you were formulating in that demented head of yours. You acted as if it was so important that it would change the wizarding world as we know it. This is a load of bollocks. You're supposed to be concentrating on the war, not making rudimentary doodles."

"It will! We're going to fight this war on _our_ terms now, and this set of plans is the solution to accomplishing our ultimate goals in secret. Nobody will realize what we're doing until it's too late, and they'll be sorry in the end. They'll be sorry for what they did, they'll be sorry for themselves for being so blind, and they'll be sorry that they treated us so badly. And old Dumbles and Voldie won't know what hit them. They'll-"

"You're rambling, brat."

"Oh... where was I? Oh yeah, the plan! You don't understand it because-"

"I don't understand it because no other human being could possibly understand this... abomination. I am reasonably sure that even _you_, the creator, can't even understand this mess. And what are these diagrams? I had hoped that while you are surely no artist, you could have come up with something that didn't resemble the random scribbling of a five-year-old with half a brain that just got a new box of crayons-"

"Wait... how do you know what crayons are?"

"That is none of your concern. The point is that how you could call this anything besides rubbish is beyond me. An ingenious and life-changing plan indeed..."

"If you would just LISTEN to what I'm trying to tell you, you would know that you're-"

"If you are done wasting my valuable time with this nonsense, I would very much like to retire for the night. And you shouldn't even be- Oomph!"

"Sorry, I just had to shut you up for a moment. And don't glare at me like that!"

"I will look at whomever I please however I please. And what, pray tell, was so important that you had to launch yourself at me so suddenly and practically knock me over? It was far from elegant."

"Stop complaining. You know you like kissing me anyway."

"Bollocks."

"Then why do you have that look on your face?"

"..."

"Just admit it- you like kissing me, even if I have to 'launch myself at you so suddenly and practically knock you over'."

"Didn't you have a point to make? And were those air quotes?"

"How do you know- oh, never mind. And I told you, I had to shut you up in order to tell you something rather... enlightening."

"You never told me that."

"I was going to before you distracted me!"

"You said you were going to tell me something... enlightening? As if one such as yourself could tell me something I don't already know."

"So I guess it's safe to assume that you were looking at my plans upside-down on purpose?"

"Upside-down? Preposterous. I would know if I was holding a piece of parchment upside-down or not. This is the only logical-"

"Humor me, then."

"Oh, all right, but only to prove that you... I see."

"Told you so!"

"..."

"Can I gloat now?"

"Absolutely not. I was merely testing you. I held the parchment upside-down to see if you were sharp enough to notice or not."

"Whatever you say..."

"Enlightening, indeed..."

"What was that? You know you really shouldn't mutter."

"I will do as I please."

"You should see the look on your face right now. It's absolutely priceless. Proving you wrong and rubbing it in your face is almost as much fun as that time we almost got caught snogging in the hallway. You were scared shitless."

"Excuse me? I was not scared. Besides, I do not _snog_, as you so eloquently put it, in the hallway like some common, hormone-crazed teenager. And even if I did decide to engage in that sort of activity, I most certainly would not have gotten myself caught."

"We didn't get caught. I said we _almost_ got caught."

"That is of no consequence. And as _I_ stated, I was not snogging in the first place."

"Well, what do you call it, then? We were practically about to have sex, right there in the hallway! And what about that time when you said you were going to fu-"

"Enough!"

"-me into the mattress? That was hot, you know. But then Dumbledore had to walk in right when we were about to-"

"I said that was enough! Do you not have ears?"

"Stop scowling at me like that! I was merely reminding you that-"

"As I was _saying_, we are not supposed to be fantasizing or reminiscing. We are supposed to be discussing our plans."

"Right. Speaking of fantasies... Okay, okay, I get it! I'll be good... for now. You know, more people would like you if you didn't constantly send them hateful glares. It's rather unnerving."

"Then why do you put up with me?"

"Because I lo- er, I like Potions."

"Yes, and I'm a purple unicorn with a giant squirrel's tail. You of all people should know that I have no desire to make people like me. I could care less."

"Very funny. But you're glad_ I_ like you, aren't you? Of course you are. I'm just that wonderf- Hey, don't mock me!"

"I merely had something in my eye. Back to the matter at hand... I must say, your ideas aren't as abysmal as I thought they would be. Quite the contrary, actually. With a little work..."

"See, I told you I was brilliant. If you weren't so busy being a snarky bastard, you would have noticed that right away."

"Perhaps. This just may work... AFTER we work out some of the... ah... finer details."

"You saw THAT part, then, didn't you? And was that a compliment, Mr. Snarkypants?"

"Don't push your luck."

"But..."

"No whining."

"Fine then. Do I at least get a reward for my extraordinary brilliance?"

"This is one of the times where I might ask myself why I ever put up with you."

"Because you luuurve me. And I know you do."

"Have I ever told you how much you annoy me?"

"Pretty much every day since we met."

"Indeed. Who would have ever thought we'd end up like this? Never in my wildest... ah..."

"What was that?"

"I was just talking to myself."

"Right then... There's still a lot more to come, and you know it. Just think of what will happen in the future. Speaking of which..."

"Isn't it about time for bed?"

"For sleeping? Or for _other_ bedtime activities?"

"You are not spending the night here."

"Why not?"

"Don't pout. Tomorrow is the last day of term and we'll both need our rest to pull off the first part of our plans. We still have a lot to discuss, seeing as we barely got anything accomplished today because you couldn't get your insufferable mind out of the gutter."

"It wasn't my fault. You were being mean."

"Insolent brat."

"Git."

"I thought I told you to go to bed."

"So it's _our_ plans now?"

"Pardon?"

"You said they were 'our plans'. Does that mean you like them?"

"You know as well as I that this matter involves both of us. You may have inspired the original ideas, though how you managed to is beyond me, but there are still major flaws. Despite our best efforts, you are still somewhat naïve and your lack of experience in dealing with certain parts may prove to be deadly. Therefore, we are fortunate to have one another. It pains me to say this, but we both balance out each other's negative aspects, if you will."

"Aw, that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard you say."

"Don't get used to it, brat. Let's not forget that we could never hope to pull this off without my superior acting skills and intellect."

"Acting skills? Ha, that's funny. You're just good at shutting people out, hiding your emotions, and pretending."

"That is the essence of acting, is it not? Let us not also forget that my skills are helping us hide our... ah... relationship... rather well."

"I do my part, too! What about-"

"That's strange. I seem to recall telling you to go to bed, but yet you are still here."

"Yeah, like 15 minutes ago. It's not my fault you keep rambling on and going off on tangents."

"Sorry?"

"Never mind, it's just a Muggle term. Le gasp, it looks like I know another thing that you don't know. The world must be ending! Aaaaaaaaaaahhh!"

"Stop being overdramatic and go to bed. My patience is wearing thin."

"Yes, _mother_. Do I get a goodnight kiss?"

"Only if it will get you to leave me alone."

"I told you you liked kissing me. If I asked for anything else you would say no."

"Bed! Now!"

"But you didn't give me my kiss yet!"

"I am aware of that. Now go, before people see you in the halls after dark and ask awkward questions."

"You're evil."

"You're a cheeky brat."

"..."

"..."

"Well, goodnight then. See you tomorrow?"

"As planned."

* * *

_I live on reviews. Please feed me._

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	2. Attack

**R-Evolve: Attack**

A vein in Vernon Dursley's massive purple neck was throbbing violently as he waited for his unwanted charge. The train that was supposed to be bringing his freakish nephew back to London had arrived, unloaded, and departed again nearly an hours ago, and the boy still refused to make an appearance. 

Vernon cursed colorfully and glanced at the sparkling silver watch that engulfed his meaty wrist. He had taken valuable time out of his not-so-busy-as-of-late schedule to come and collect the brat, but the ungrateful boy had the nerve not to show up! Vernon consulted his watch again and tapped his loafer-clad foot impatiently. No one makes a fool out of Vernon Dursley, especially some orphaned freak. That boy would pay for this dearly when they got home...

A baby whale tugged at Vernon's sleeve and started to whine pathetically about ice cream. Vernon brushed the pink, pudgy hand away and twisted his ugly moustache nervously.

'_Where could that blasted boy be? He'll be sorry for this, no doubt about that_,' the part of Vernon's brain that was halfway intelligent thought.

As Vernon's beady little eyes scanned the station for a glimpse of any movement or any sign of life, his wife Petunia finally spoke up.

"Vernon, dear," she began, her large horse-like teeth making her voice resemble that of a beaver, "That boy hasn't shown up for over an hour. Let's just go home."

"Please Daddy!" A small whimper managed to escape the mouth of the baby whale, otherwise known as Dudley Dursley. "Harry's not coming. I wanna go home!"

"Do not speak the boy's name!" Vernon roared. Upon seeing the look that his wife sent his way, he calmed down considerably and continued. He didn't want to make a scene, even if the family were the only living beings at King's Cross Station at that time. "If that little freak doesn't turn up in another minute, we'll leave. Then that old Bumblefellow or something can't say I didn't try."

Vernon and his moustache looked incredibly smug. He could leave the boy here _and_ not get blamed for it. His day, he figured, could not get any worse. Vernon clapped and rubbed his hands excitedly.

Suddenly, a swirl of black cloth attracted his attention. Vernon wheeled around, a vein nervously throbbing in his temple. But no one was there. A few seconds later, Vernon thought he heard faint footsteps echoing off a nearby platform. His beady eyes warily scanned the area again, more frantically this time, and he saw a flicker of movement. Vernon's eyes narrowed as he tried to focus on the outline of a figure, but it wasn't there anymore.

Somewhere behind him, Petunia and Dudley screamed. The last thing Vernon saw before he fell into the void of unconsciousness was a glowing flash of light and two glittering pairs of eyes that were laced with pure venom.

* * *

A pair of startling green eyes opened slowly and their owner cursed. Bright sunlight streamed into Harry's eyes, temporarily blinding him. He fumbled around for his glasses until he remembered that he didn't need the clumsy lenses anymore. His lover had paid for him to get his eyes fixed almost a year ago. The operation had been a recent breakthrough in modern magical science and it had been fairly controversial, but Harry had undergone the procedure nonetheless. It was painful, not to mention risky, but his vision was now better than perfect and he had no regrets. 

Harry sat up and stretched lazily. He used one hand to stifle a yawn and used the other to toss the covers off of his naked form. Glancing down, Harry saw that he had a problem. A rather large problem.

Blushing furiously in spite of himself, Harry swung his legs over the side of the large and comfortable bed and stood up. His weary muscles protested- he hadn't gotten much sleep lately- and he stretched for a bit.

Harry, finally feeling at least somewhat relaxed, padded softly across the bedroom carpet until he reached the bathroom. He opened the door silently, slipped inside, and let the door click gently into place behind him.

* * *

Severus was startled out of his morning musings when he choked on his coffee. It was warm! In the background, he could barely make out the sound of a distant shower running. 

'_He's finally up, then. Thank Salazar_,' he thought, relieved. '_At least I don't have to go wake him up. That would _not_ have ended pleasantly_...'

Severus let an uncharacteristic chuckle escape his lips as he sipped his re-warmed coffee.

'_That boy really was a handful_...' Severus choked on his coffee yet again as he realized his subconscious innuendo.

The black-haired man cast a quick _tempus_ charm and realized that it was nearly one o'clock in the afternoon. He had been (heaven forbid) so absorbed in his musings that he hadn't noticed the time. He didn't realize it was so late already; half the day was already gone! Severus cursed and decided to hurry up his lover- they still had a lot to do today.

On his way up the stairs, Severus tripped on a shoe. As he fell to the ground, he cursed his luck. It looked like it was going to be a long day.

'_Why the HELL is there a SHOE on my stairs_?' Severus scowled and kicked the offending object, stubbing his toe in the process. '_Blast! Why do I keep making a fool out of myself_?_ What do the gods have against me_?'

Unfortunately for Severus, he was so preoccupied with mentally cursing the shoe that he wasn't paying attention to where he was stepping. Consequently, as he began to ascend the staircase again, he tripped rather ungracefully over the next stair.

After severaly minutes of what can only be described as humiliation, Severus reached the master bedroom. By now he was irritated and was in no mood to play games. Banging loudly and rather violently on the connecting bathroom's door, he shouted:

"What in Salazar's name are you doing, brat? You've been in there for nearly an hour! Get out! And WHY was there a SHOE on the bloody stairs?"

"Just... erm..." The rest of the sentence was muffled by the sound of cascading water. Severus wansn't in the mood for excuses anyway.

A series of thumps and loud knocking sounds followed the vague and inaudible statement and Severus could have sworn he heard the sound of glass breaking. Concerned, he threw open the door.

* * *

Harry had been in the shower for fifty long and steamy minutes when he heard banging coming from the general direction of the bedroom.

"What in Salazar's name are you doing, brat? You've been in there for nearly an hour! Get out!" The voice beyond the bathroom door sounded agitated, impatient, and not at all pleased. "And WHY was there a SHOE on the bloody stairs?"

Harry immediately snapped out of his blissful trance and shouted a generic response. He had been so involved in his... activities... that he hadn't even noticed the water had turned icy cold.

Harry yelped shrilly and tried to jump out of the shower so quickly that he banged his head on the shower's glass door and slipped on a bar of soap. As he fell to the floor of the shower in a pathetic heap, a bottle of shampoo fell onto his head and broke open, the viscous liquid running down his face and into his eyes.

* * *

The scene that met Severus' eyes could only be described as a disaster. His young lover lay in a crumpled mess, sobbing pathetically. There was a bottle of shampoo on his head and it was leaking shampoo into the boy's eyes. A split bar of soap was attached to the shower wall and miscellaneous bottles and vials were strewn across the floor. The glass of the shower's door was indeed cracked, but it was fixed with a simple _reparo_. Water still cascaded from the faucet, so Severus shut it off.

"H-Harry... what happened?" Severus asked, genuinely concerned. '_What happened here_?'

Harry's answer was weak and barely audible: "Sev... we need to talk..." And then he passed out.

* * *

_I live on reviews. Please feed me._

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